Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games this question feed

asked by casurf on October 31, 2006 2:30 PM

Dr. George Weinberg has been a therapist for over twenty-five years. In that time, he has worked with a great range of men, and he has discovered that deep down, men actually want commitment, love, and permanence every bit as much as women do. Over the years, his patients -- even those who have had a string of failed relationships -- have expressed deep desires for permanent, monogamous mariages.

So why do they behave as if they don't?

And what can a woman who wants a relationship do to help her man commit?

While other therapists tend to be students of women, Dr. Weinberg is a student of men. From childhood, most men have been taught to be strong and silent, never to show weakness. They've been discouraged from talking about their feelings, so they never learned the skill. Now, most are on a quest for the ready-made perfect woman. They feel that, in relationships, things can't be worked out. When the slightest thing goes wrong, it seems easier to bolt than to talk.

In engaging prose filled with anecdotes we all can relate to, Dr.Weinberg unveils the psyche of men to show the real insecurities that lurk there. Other books like The Rules and Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus have played right into men's fears -- by accepting the old myth and telling women that their job is to "overcome" men's fear of commitment. As Dr.Weinberg explains, this is exactly the wrong thing to do. Men have a powerful radar that tells them to run away when any strategy is being used on them. He explains why games of any kind -- playing hard to get, making a man jealous -- will only push a man further from commitment. And he gives women four simple keys to understanding their man's real needs and helping them move toward relationships.

It is easy to scare a man, but it is also easy to capture his love without playing games. Why Men Won't Commit shows women how to enter places where her man has not allowed any other woman to go and, if it's right, to stay there in a loving, committed relationship.


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This book is well-written, in an easy to understand manner, and is so incredibly insightful and helpful I can hardly believe it. It identifies exact problems I have been having with my boyfriend but never knew what was actually wrong. It also has fabulous suggestions for help. This is a great book.
reviewed by wendi on November 8, 2006 6:47 AM

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Men don't commit for several reasons, little of which is stated by the good Doctor.

1. Yes, men are afraid to commit because there is much to lose and little to gain in this "feel good" society for a man to get married. Many women only commit to relationships today if THEY are the able to reap the benefits whether emotional, financial, security etc. from the relationship while for men it is a lifelong journey.

Fact: Many more women leave men and divorce them than men leave the woman for the very same reasons as stated above. Contrary to the Hollwood myth, most divorce is filed by the woman, near 70%.

2. It is this very self centered attitude that makes many men wonder "Does she really love me for me" and "Why would I make a commitment because if we divorce I lose everything". So, ladies the Doctor is right about some things but wrong in many others. If you really love your man, tell him and show him. Be honest with him, don't play games and if you don't love him for him, with all his faults.

Then you don't love him.
reviewed by redapple on November 19, 2006 8:03 AM

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This book makes sense. It tells you the 4 reasons a man will commit that women often aren't aware of. Also, it discusses how to argue, although the book, "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert" covers is best! However, this book is good at explaining why men don't/do commit, based off his research. Written for the woman's perspective. Much better than "The Rules"! Gave me confidence by realizing men also want commitment.
reviewed by sumbuddy on November 29, 2006 12:04 AM

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This book pretty much confirms what I have learned from getting back into the singles scene a few years ago: That men who are lonely and alone have pretty much themselves to blame, for being so vehemently clueless and never questioning anything about themselves. According to Weinberg, men want emotional intimacy but run away from it when they get it; this confirms my experiences that men only want what they can't have, and don't want it anymore once they get it. Weinberg also makes clear that men dump women for the stupidest reasons, reasons even they can't verbalize because it's nothing more than what Weinberg calls a "gut reaction". He delineates mens' four needs (what, besides beer and sex?) and gives women a lot of very sound real-world advice for dealing with it; however I still found the book very depressing, as it's unlikely to me any woman will ever get beyond mens' virtually emotionless lives since no woman is the "perfect, ready-made relationship" Weinberg claims men want. Sorry ladies, but if you've got flaws, *any* flaw, you're not going to be good enough. However, if you want to continue trying to find a man who can eventually be manipulated to commit (and that's what it comes down to, when women have to dance around mens' delicate little egos and constantly avoid all the land mines in their four needs), this is a great book to start. Just don't tell him you're dating other men; he wants to be "special" to you even though he'll run like hell the moment he realizes he is; so the best thing really is to date them a handful at a time and see who has the 'nads to last beyond the second date.

OTOH, if you're as jaded and cynical as I am about men, this is a GREAT book for learning the basics of emasculating men even further; I'm taking this new-found knowledge with me to the Dark Side,(...)

reviewed by markymark on November 29, 2006 8:23 AM

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