The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study 
asked by samoan on October 30, 2006 9:30 AM
During the last 40 years, our society's views on how families are created and how they operate has undergone a tremendous shift. In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, authors Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee have assembled a variety of stories from people of different ages and life stages. Some are children of divorce, some are from families that stayed unhappily intact, but all of them offer valuable information important to all of us as parents, children, and members of society at large. Separate chapters focus on the different roles children take on in the event of a divorce or unhappy marriage, ranging from positive role model to deeply troubled adolescent. In many cases, the people interviewed continue to define themselves as children of divorce up to 30 years after the occurrence; this is described by one subject as "sort of a permanent identity, like being adopted or something."
Both encouraging and thought-provoking, the final chapter questions how we maintain the freedom made possible by divorce while, at the same time, minimizing the damage. The authors' response to this question begins with pragmatic suggestions about strengthening marriage--not bland "family values" rhetoric but practical how-to ideas combined with national policy initiatives that have been making the rounds for years. With fascinating stories and statistics, Wasserstein, Lewis, and Blakeslee have illuminated the improvements within reach while our society experiences these massive changes in it's most fundamental relationships. --Jill Lightner
Reviews
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This is a landmark book as it shattered many of the myths of divorce...that children will simply bounce back. Other studies since then have confirmed the impact of divorce on future divorce rates, including the fact that children of divorce are almost twice as likely to divorce themselves.
There are many reviewers who have made completely unjustified claims about the book...but it needs to be made clear that:
*this book does NOT recommend that people stay together during abusive marriages.
* it actually is a pretty well researched book. Longitudinal studies with comparison groups are a pretty valid methodology in social science research, and that is exactly what she has done.
* She actually has statistics to back her study but they are not presented in this book in much detail because this is meant to be a lay book for lay people and not research scientists. She presents case-studies instead to personalize her research.
* much of the latest research on families and divorce has pretty much confirmed what she found.
Later research has also found that most divorces in America are unilateral (usually one partner initiating it); and usually for "soft reasons" such as incompatibility or "growing aprt etc.". Read Linda Waite and Paul Amatos books for further context. People do seem to divorce for selfish reasons, and in the process thay literally destroy the future of the children they chose to bring to this world.
I see so much of what she has written in my daughter's friends who are divorced: the inability to attend birthday parties on weekends because its dad's turn to keep the child and he lives far away; lingering in the school playground for as long as possible in order to avoid going home and bumping into mom's "horrible" boyfriend; cant joing Brownies on Fridays as they need to go to dad's girlfriends house. ..the list goes on and one. and while they seem "normal" and "happy" they are missing out a lot as they are juggling between parents.
It is asset division later on in life that seems so unfair..I have already had one divorced mom break down as she related her fears about how college tuition was going to be funded,because of her ex-husband's new "family:. Divorce does hit children at every stage and the quality of life is just not the same as for children with two parents in the household.
This research and others is preceisely what triggered pro-marriage-anti divorce policies in many states, including Louisiana and Arkansas where "covenenant marriages" offer an alternative. Covenant marriages makes divorce harder to attain EXCEPT in the case of adultery, and abuse, and requires premarital and marriage counseling. Unfortunately, the movement hasnt taken off as people are still not convinced that personal frredom should sometimes be set aside for familial obligations.
There are many reviewers who have made completely unjustified claims about the book...but it needs to be made clear that:
*this book does NOT recommend that people stay together during abusive marriages.
* it actually is a pretty well researched book. Longitudinal studies with comparison groups are a pretty valid methodology in social science research, and that is exactly what she has done.
* She actually has statistics to back her study but they are not presented in this book in much detail because this is meant to be a lay book for lay people and not research scientists. She presents case-studies instead to personalize her research.
* much of the latest research on families and divorce has pretty much confirmed what she found.
Later research has also found that most divorces in America are unilateral (usually one partner initiating it); and usually for "soft reasons" such as incompatibility or "growing aprt etc.". Read Linda Waite and Paul Amatos books for further context. People do seem to divorce for selfish reasons, and in the process thay literally destroy the future of the children they chose to bring to this world.
I see so much of what she has written in my daughter's friends who are divorced: the inability to attend birthday parties on weekends because its dad's turn to keep the child and he lives far away; lingering in the school playground for as long as possible in order to avoid going home and bumping into mom's "horrible" boyfriend; cant joing Brownies on Fridays as they need to go to dad's girlfriends house. ..the list goes on and one. and while they seem "normal" and "happy" they are missing out a lot as they are juggling between parents.
It is asset division later on in life that seems so unfair..I have already had one divorced mom break down as she related her fears about how college tuition was going to be funded,because of her ex-husband's new "family:. Divorce does hit children at every stage and the quality of life is just not the same as for children with two parents in the household.
This research and others is preceisely what triggered pro-marriage-anti divorce policies in many states, including Louisiana and Arkansas where "covenenant marriages" offer an alternative. Covenant marriages makes divorce harder to attain EXCEPT in the case of adultery, and abuse, and requires premarital and marriage counseling. Unfortunately, the movement hasnt taken off as people are still not convinced that personal frredom should sometimes be set aside for familial obligations.
reviewed by benzdrives on November 13, 2006 10:43 AM
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As the oldest child of parents who were divorced multiple times from multiple partners I found this book a remarkably accurate review of the effects of divorce on children.
It is comforting to observe empirical observations - gathered over twenty-five years - combine to create a crushing weight of evidence which ratifies and supports personal experience. It is liberating to finally see that case study after case study suggests that there are reasons for feeling the way you do when you've been through the grinder of divorce.
If you want to know the legacy divorce will leave your children, read this book. If you want to understand your own feelings as a child of divorce, read this book.
By finding your own experiences affirmed and amplified in the many case studies found in the book you will begin to find ways to break the chain of selfishness and pride that kills a good marriage. It may help you avoid passing this legacy of pain on to your own children.
This book should be required reading for for any child of divorce and/or the parent who wants to understand the mayhem they will be loosing in the lives of their children as they divorce.
It is comforting to observe empirical observations - gathered over twenty-five years - combine to create a crushing weight of evidence which ratifies and supports personal experience. It is liberating to finally see that case study after case study suggests that there are reasons for feeling the way you do when you've been through the grinder of divorce.
If you want to know the legacy divorce will leave your children, read this book. If you want to understand your own feelings as a child of divorce, read this book.
By finding your own experiences affirmed and amplified in the many case studies found in the book you will begin to find ways to break the chain of selfishness and pride that kills a good marriage. It may help you avoid passing this legacy of pain on to your own children.
This book should be required reading for for any child of divorce and/or the parent who wants to understand the mayhem they will be loosing in the lives of their children as they divorce.
reviewed by tubi on November 27, 2006 8:52 AM