Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After 
asked by steelers on November 28, 2006 6:39 PM
People who are single are changing the face of America. Did you know that:
* More than 40 percent of the nation’s adults---over 87 million people---are divorced, widowed, or have always been single.
* There are more households comprised of single people living alone than of married parents and their children.
* Americans now spend more of their adult years single than married.
Many of today’s single people have engaging jobs, homes that they own, and a network of friends. This is not the 1950s---singles can have sex without marrying, and they can raise smart, successful, and happy children. It should be a great time to be single. Yet too often single people are still asked to defend their single status by an onslaught of judgmental peers and fretful relatives.
Prominent people in politics, the popular press, and the intelligentsia have all taken turns peddling myths about marriage and singlehood. Marry, they promise, and you will live a long, happy, and healthy life, and you will never be lonely again.
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism. Single people really are living happily ever after.
Filled with bracing bursts of truth and dazzling dashes of humor, Singled Out is a spirited and provocative read for the single, the married, and everyone in between. You will never think about singlehood or marriage the same way again.
Singled Out debunks the Ten Myths of Singlehood, including:
Myth #1: The Wonder of Couples: Marrieds know best.
Myth #3: The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #5: Attention, Single Women: Your work won’t love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don’t get any and you’re promiscuous.
Myth #6: Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: Attention, Single Parents: Your kids are doomed.
Myth #9: Poor Soul: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: Family Values: Let’s give all of the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
“With elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose, DePaulo lays out the many, often subtle denigrations and discriminations faced by single adults in the U.S. She addresses, too, the resilience of single women and men in the face of such singlism. A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates.”
---E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
* More than 40 percent of the nation’s adults---over 87 million people---are divorced, widowed, or have always been single.
* There are more households comprised of single people living alone than of married parents and their children.
* Americans now spend more of their adult years single than married.
Many of today’s single people have engaging jobs, homes that they own, and a network of friends. This is not the 1950s---singles can have sex without marrying, and they can raise smart, successful, and happy children. It should be a great time to be single. Yet too often single people are still asked to defend their single status by an onslaught of judgmental peers and fretful relatives.
Prominent people in politics, the popular press, and the intelligentsia have all taken turns peddling myths about marriage and singlehood. Marry, they promise, and you will live a long, happy, and healthy life, and you will never be lonely again.
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism. Single people really are living happily ever after.
Filled with bracing bursts of truth and dazzling dashes of humor, Singled Out is a spirited and provocative read for the single, the married, and everyone in between. You will never think about singlehood or marriage the same way again.
Singled Out debunks the Ten Myths of Singlehood, including:
Myth #1: The Wonder of Couples: Marrieds know best.
Myth #3: The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #5: Attention, Single Women: Your work won’t love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don’t get any and you’re promiscuous.
Myth #6: Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: Attention, Single Parents: Your kids are doomed.
Myth #9: Poor Soul: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: Family Values: Let’s give all of the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
“With elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose, DePaulo lays out the many, often subtle denigrations and discriminations faced by single adults in the U.S. She addresses, too, the resilience of single women and men in the face of such singlism. A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates.”
---E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
Reviews
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This book has something for everyone. It fills in puzzle pieces for single people who have had difficulty explaining their own unpredicted happiness and satisfaction. It challenges those on the runaway train of matrimania who struggle with the growing rates of unpredicted unhappiness. And anyone who consumes research results through secondary reporting (as most of us do) should read Chapter Two, an excellent expose of how ideology can slant the headlines away from the actual results (you'll wonder if you're being told the truth about red wine and Vitamin E, too). DePaulo does one of the best jobs I've seen of packaging a sophisticated critique, rooted in social science research, into a delightful, often funny, sometimes biting but always ultimately reassuring story of the times we live in and our potential for crafting a better future.
reviewed by fabio on November 28, 2006 9:03 PM
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As a married baby boomer, I should have hated this book. But I didn't. DePaulo expresses her unconventional views with force and panache. As she notes, our culture is filled with prejudice against singles and it's just not fair. This blatant, crude, unapologetic "singlism" is bad for singles and for everyone else too. By pressuring people into ill-advised marriages, it sets them up for nasty divorces. All humane people should read this book and reflect on its eye-opening message.
reviewed by selena on November 29, 2006 10:54 AM
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DePaulo's book clearly illustrates two cultural norms embedded in our society, singlism and matrimania. Her analysis is logical, yet unique. While singles who are tired of unfair treatment will relish in this book, married folks, businessmen, and politicians would probably learn more from it. This book is a sociological myth-buster!
reviewed by versed on November 29, 2006 12:57 PM
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The author provides significant survey data to show how divorced and
separated people can be vastly unhappier than singles. For women, marriage
does not mean longevity. Longevity is a function of a person's immersion
in a livelihood, exercise and attentiveness to health/diet. The author
shows how (statistically) less than 50% are extremely happy with their
sex lives as marrieds, cohabitats or divorcees. The presentation utilizes
common sense precepts coupled with statistical studies to debunk many of the
myths of singlehood or marriage itself. This book provides good conversation
for the young and old alike. Everyone should read it or become familiar with
the contents.
separated people can be vastly unhappier than singles. For women, marriage
does not mean longevity. Longevity is a function of a person's immersion
in a livelihood, exercise and attentiveness to health/diet. The author
shows how (statistically) less than 50% are extremely happy with their
sex lives as marrieds, cohabitats or divorcees. The presentation utilizes
common sense precepts coupled with statistical studies to debunk many of the
myths of singlehood or marriage itself. This book provides good conversation
for the young and old alike. Everyone should read it or become familiar with
the contents.
reviewed by perfectjen on November 29, 2006 2:10 PM
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I loved this book. The research solidly blows away the myths of marriage and singlehood. I now understand so much more about the social and political climate in our country.
Amazing! The author delivers clarity and convincing analysis to many points that are really outrageous such as the financial perks given to those who are married. I couldn't put the book down.
Ironically, as I read the book, I was spending the Thanksgiving holiday at a four diamond resort that had discriminated against me because I am a single traveler. I was told that I could not make a reservation for their elegant Thanksgiving dinner in the linen table-clothed restaurant as that event was for people who came as couples or families. As a single diner, I would have to eat in the "grill" sans table cloths and elegant atmosphere. Good grief. We really should bring the issue of discrimination against singles to the public's awareness.
I know that other groups such as ethnic groups suffer much more from discrimination, but they count singles among their numbers as well. Let's get this anti-singles problem fixed. This book is a good place to start working on the issue.
Barb -- divorced and loving it
Amazing! The author delivers clarity and convincing analysis to many points that are really outrageous such as the financial perks given to those who are married. I couldn't put the book down.
Ironically, as I read the book, I was spending the Thanksgiving holiday at a four diamond resort that had discriminated against me because I am a single traveler. I was told that I could not make a reservation for their elegant Thanksgiving dinner in the linen table-clothed restaurant as that event was for people who came as couples or families. As a single diner, I would have to eat in the "grill" sans table cloths and elegant atmosphere. Good grief. We really should bring the issue of discrimination against singles to the public's awareness.
I know that other groups such as ethnic groups suffer much more from discrimination, but they count singles among their numbers as well. Let's get this anti-singles problem fixed. This book is a good place to start working on the issue.
Barb -- divorced and loving it
reviewed by bricktop on November 29, 2006 4:21 PM