Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts 
asked by axelrose on November 4, 2006 1:14 AM
Using the same structure as Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott address the unique issues of "pre-remarital" families. This book prepares couples for what lies ahead and enables them to tackle the challenges with faith, perseverance, and hope.
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As a pastor of over 25 years, I have used several books as part of a pre-marital counseling regiment. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrotts' books are the best, by far! Not only do the Man's and Woman's Workbooks (I suggest ordering them with the book) make premaritial counseling simpler, I have found that this book hits the nail on the head. Couples who went through the "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" material in preparation for marriage thanked me after they were married, and they shared how valuable this material was in the daily grind of life.
This volume adds additioanl material to address the compexities of a Blended Family. Although blended family issues cannot be dealt with thoroughly, the Parrotts share the most important considerations (and offer other resource suggestions on page 186, footnote 6).
I first heard the authors at a Moody Pastor's Conference in the late 1990's. It did not take me long to determine that I would check out their books. I have since concluded that Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are exceptional in the realm of understanding human relationships.
Althogh the book is written by a godly Christian couple, this is more of a relational book than a spiritual one, so I would not consider it a complete pre-marital regiment, but a good anchor book. Couples already married (even for years) will find this material valuable as well (and will kick themselves for not having read it earlier).
Whether used in counseling or simply read by a couple in their own quest to prepare for marriage, this book is a gem. The Drs. Parrott seem to have a realistic (and well documented) grasp on the nature of marriage and the additional complexities of bringing children into a new blended family. This is practical, hands on material.
The book is arranged around 9 questions: Are you ready to get married again? Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty? Can you identify your love style? Have you developed the habit of happiness? Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear? Have you bridged the gender gap? Do you know how to fight a good fight? Do you know how to blend a family? and Are you and your partner soul mates? This is basically the 7 questions from "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" with two additional questions added to tackle a blended family, thus, "Saving Your SECOND Marriage..."
Of course no couple entering marriage could honestly answer all those questions with a "yes." But the book provides a good start and helps couples begin to face reality and potential areas of growth.
If a couple follows the exercises by purchasing the workbooks, (like identifying some of your own personal "commandments"--rules you live by that you picked up who knows where and expect your spouse to know and agree with), it could preclude many potential tensions later.
To those of you considering a second marriage, go through this book together, and cosider at least some of the exercises in the workbooks. To pastors and Christian counselors, I urge you to read this volume and consider using it!
This volume adds additioanl material to address the compexities of a Blended Family. Although blended family issues cannot be dealt with thoroughly, the Parrotts share the most important considerations (and offer other resource suggestions on page 186, footnote 6).
I first heard the authors at a Moody Pastor's Conference in the late 1990's. It did not take me long to determine that I would check out their books. I have since concluded that Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are exceptional in the realm of understanding human relationships.
Althogh the book is written by a godly Christian couple, this is more of a relational book than a spiritual one, so I would not consider it a complete pre-marital regiment, but a good anchor book. Couples already married (even for years) will find this material valuable as well (and will kick themselves for not having read it earlier).
Whether used in counseling or simply read by a couple in their own quest to prepare for marriage, this book is a gem. The Drs. Parrott seem to have a realistic (and well documented) grasp on the nature of marriage and the additional complexities of bringing children into a new blended family. This is practical, hands on material.
The book is arranged around 9 questions: Are you ready to get married again? Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty? Can you identify your love style? Have you developed the habit of happiness? Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear? Have you bridged the gender gap? Do you know how to fight a good fight? Do you know how to blend a family? and Are you and your partner soul mates? This is basically the 7 questions from "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" with two additional questions added to tackle a blended family, thus, "Saving Your SECOND Marriage..."
Of course no couple entering marriage could honestly answer all those questions with a "yes." But the book provides a good start and helps couples begin to face reality and potential areas of growth.
If a couple follows the exercises by purchasing the workbooks, (like identifying some of your own personal "commandments"--rules you live by that you picked up who knows where and expect your spouse to know and agree with), it could preclude many potential tensions later.
To those of you considering a second marriage, go through this book together, and cosider at least some of the exercises in the workbooks. To pastors and Christian counselors, I urge you to read this volume and consider using it!
reviewed by vern on November 27, 2006 10:15 PM
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I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.
I recommend "Saving Your Second Marriage..." to readers who want a clear, readable introduction to some common re/marital stressors. (The "/" notes that it may be one partner's first union.) I do not recommend this book to any student, co-parent, or family professional seeking the most important factors that partners considering re/marriage should evaluate.
Authors Les and Leslie Parrot are clinically well-grounded and experienced. They focus readers on 9 important courtship questions - but miss 4 core hazards that (I believe) every re/courting couple needs to know about:
1) how to assess and reduce partners' psychological wounds from childhood;
2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;
3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function, (b) high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities and norms. and...
4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.
In my experience, these factors will often block typical mature, motivated, loving partners from following well-meant relationship advice in books like this one. The factors silently promote choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Awareness and discussion of these factors promotes fruitful re/marriage choices!
For more perspective on this review, see:
http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm
I recommend "Saving Your Second Marriage..." to readers who want a clear, readable introduction to some common re/marital stressors. (The "/" notes that it may be one partner's first union.) I do not recommend this book to any student, co-parent, or family professional seeking the most important factors that partners considering re/marriage should evaluate.
Authors Les and Leslie Parrot are clinically well-grounded and experienced. They focus readers on 9 important courtship questions - but miss 4 core hazards that (I believe) every re/courting couple needs to know about:
1) how to assess and reduce partners' psychological wounds from childhood;
2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;
3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function, (b) high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities and norms. and...
4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.
In my experience, these factors will often block typical mature, motivated, loving partners from following well-meant relationship advice in books like this one. The factors silently promote choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Awareness and discussion of these factors promotes fruitful re/marriage choices!
For more perspective on this review, see:
http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm
reviewed by caramel on November 28, 2006 2:22 AM
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My soon-to-be husband and I used this series as our premarital counselling guide and found it to be well-designed, practical (without being so full of pseudo-psychiatry that it felt fake.) The suggestions of topics that should be considered prompted some of the deepest discussions we had. We are both convinced that finding this resource was a blessing.
reviewed by pits on November 29, 2006 2:58 AM
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As a divorced person, I have often felt like there are many books written about marriage, but few that deal with the specific issues that I can only imagine affect second marriages. Not content with reading just another book about the general subject of marriage, and not really wanting to read another book about divorce, I was very pleased to be given this book on remarriage. After reading through it, I feel so much more confident now about my ability to enter a second marriage and not be trapped by fears and insecurities that resulted from my first. I feel much more able now to look objectively at the areas I still need to heal and grow in. Praise God for the careful work of Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott in addressing this seldom-addressed issue. I HIGHLY recommend this for anyone who is divorced, even if they haven't yet addressed the possibility of remarriage in their life.
reviewed by fabio on November 29, 2006 8:09 AM