Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

asked by megafan on November 6, 2006 2:05 AM

People joke that the start of a couple's marriage means the end of their sex life. David Schnarch, a sex therapist praised by Pepper Schwartz, uses epiphany-laden conversations taken directly from his own marriage and the married couples he sees in practice to help readers defy the myth that marriages are necessarily passionless, and instead prove that the longer a couple has been together, the higher the fireworks can fly. It's especially aimed at older couples who, Schnarch says, are self-actualized and therefore better able to handle intimacy than younger partners. "People have difficulty with intimacy because they're supposed to," he says, and goes on in this inspiring book to combine elements of marriage therapy and sex therapy to bring plenty of practical, fresh ideas to the crowd of mostly vapid relationship books. (Note that despite its title, it's for any emotionally committed couple, not just married folks.)

Schnarch says that a man is more likely to let a relationship suffer in order to hold on to his sense of self, while a woman is more apt to let her identity suffer to help strengthen it. Schnarch gives explicit tips on how to alter this pattern, an essential step he calls "differentiation." He also explains why compromise isn't always the best route to take when conflicts arise. The couples profiled here deal with the usual suspects: uneven sexual desire and initiation, battles about oral sex, self-image problems, the "boondoggle" of trust (both of one's self and one's partner), and the specter of divorce. Instead of focusing on each client's weaknesses, Schnarch teaches how to find inner strength and resilience that can be used to reaffirm a relationship and reignite sex. William H. Masters of Masters and Johnson fame calls this book "a classic," and no wonder. --Erica Jorgensen

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Reviews

"Passionate Marriage" isn't just about sex, it's also about intimacy--what may be missing from couples' sex lives--and how to obtain it. The author gives clear guidelines on how to relate on more than a sexual level; it's mostly to do with the emotional availibility of the persons involved. This book really opened my eyes up to the reality of sexual relations--if you want it, you have to work at it. I've found myself referring to this book over and over for more in-debth analysis.

Definitely get it if you need help in this area. Another sex book that helped me was "Good Sex, a woman's guide" as well.

reviewed by glenn11 on November 16, 2006 6:12 PM

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My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We have had a great time together but gradually we started being colder and less anticipating. It was obvious that the things were going in a bad direction. I was reluctant to rely on a book but a friend of mine recommended me this one so I bought it. I completely agree that this is an excellent book!

It provides a lot of information in a pleasant and easy to understand, and apply way. My wife was also fascinated and eagerly read it. It helped us to turn our conflicts into a positive and constructive tool, which we use to improve several aspects of our marriage now. It is especially helpful for couples who have lost more or less their intimacy and are willing to put some efforts to get it back. Trust me it is well-worth the time, conversations and the satisfaction of knowing that tomorrow will be better than today.

Dr. Schnarch's book also contains a chapter about better sex. It is quite explicit. I know from personal experience that mature men tend to develop serious problems such as premature ejacul., (semi) impotence, etc, which have very negative effect on a marriage. That's why in addition I highly recommend the bestseller "Scientificlly guaranteed multiple orgasms & ultimate sex" by scientist Ritz, which helped me to overcome quickly my problems and started enjoying great pleasure in bed.

reviewed by perfect10 on November 25, 2006 6:32 AM

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add a new book!