Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go 
asked by janmueller on November 22, 2006 4:06 AM
Is it impossible to let go — despite the pain?
• Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
• Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
• When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
• Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
• Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it’s over?
• Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
• Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you’re an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the “connection compulsion,” what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
• Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
• Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
• When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
• Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
• Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it’s over?
• Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
• Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you’re an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the “connection compulsion,” what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
Reviews
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As someone who's had an admitted history of obsessive love for two women, (not at the same time)- I can't recommend this book more.
Dr. Forward takes you through some case histories and shows you in her patient's words what will probably sound familiar to you if you've been involved in an unhealthy relationship.
By the second half of the book, Dr Forward finally gets down to the nitty-gritty and explains how a rejection, a missed romantic opportunity, a relationship that won't die a natural death, can trigger irrational feelings in us that stem from childhood. Yep, that's right - childhood.
That cutie that you put on a pedestal and think about day and night? That guy that stays away from you? Guess what? They're stand-ins for Mom or Dad.
A divorce, a mid-life crisis, job loss, any negative life event can trigger your wish for someone whom you want to just take you in their arms and stroke you and tell you it's all going to be OK.
When the person you want so badly cuts off all contact from you, it's like a stab in the heart. But, it's over. Dr. Forward gently takes you through the grieving process, and gives you ways to help heal your broken heart. She also tells how you can deal with the person who just can't let go.
No matter which side of the fence you're on, stalker or victim, it's an agonizing road, but, Susan gently urges you on through the healing process.
By the way, this book was written in the nineties, so there's hardly any mention of e-stalking, but the advice still holds.
Most importantly, Dr Forward withholds her judgment and makes no one a "bad guy", and it's true, there are no bad people here, only people who don't know where or how to turn for help.
Dr. Forward takes you through some case histories and shows you in her patient's words what will probably sound familiar to you if you've been involved in an unhealthy relationship.
By the second half of the book, Dr Forward finally gets down to the nitty-gritty and explains how a rejection, a missed romantic opportunity, a relationship that won't die a natural death, can trigger irrational feelings in us that stem from childhood. Yep, that's right - childhood.
That cutie that you put on a pedestal and think about day and night? That guy that stays away from you? Guess what? They're stand-ins for Mom or Dad.
A divorce, a mid-life crisis, job loss, any negative life event can trigger your wish for someone whom you want to just take you in their arms and stroke you and tell you it's all going to be OK.
When the person you want so badly cuts off all contact from you, it's like a stab in the heart. But, it's over. Dr. Forward gently takes you through the grieving process, and gives you ways to help heal your broken heart. She also tells how you can deal with the person who just can't let go.
No matter which side of the fence you're on, stalker or victim, it's an agonizing road, but, Susan gently urges you on through the healing process.
By the way, this book was written in the nineties, so there's hardly any mention of e-stalking, but the advice still holds.
Most importantly, Dr Forward withholds her judgment and makes no one a "bad guy", and it's true, there are no bad people here, only people who don't know where or how to turn for help.
reviewed by cannoli on November 28, 2006 3:27 AM
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After I had 3 long term relationships end. I decided to look for help. A counselor recommended I read Susan's book. Wow what an eye opening experience. Many of the situations she outlines in the book parallel my relationships. It helped me take a fresh look at the way I think about love and relationships. It doesn't take too long to read and has totally changed my life. If you think your obsessing you should read this book. And start enjoying fun and healthy relationships instead of poisoning your life.
reviewed by jdog on November 29, 2006 5:12 PM
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This book is for everybody. Everybody has had the experience of not wanting to let go, or letting go and finding it extremely painful. Hardly anybody does the strange things Forward describes her clients doing, but the insights she offers on how to deal with one's feelings speak to the universal human experience. I decided to write off "relationships" years ago, but reading this book was just the thing to find closure and put an end to that part of my life permanently. Whether you are writing off one "relationship" or writing off all "relationships" the way I did, Forward can help you and how.
The book could benefit from a good editor. I was not at all interested in reading about her weird clients, which took up at least half the book, and some of them are really major league weird. But after a few pages you learn to "zap" that part the same way you "zap" commercials on your VCR. Her comments on why people find "relationships" so painful and ultimately not worth bothering with and where those feelings originate and how to get rid of them are pure gold and well worth reading. I cannot recommend a better resource.
Also, readers who have heard Forward on the radio should know that the book is not at all obnoxious, despite the way she comes across in her show. Whoever wrote this book (Forward or an uncredited ghost) strikes you as someone you would feel very comfortable turning to for advice.
Get it. You will be glad you did.
The book could benefit from a good editor. I was not at all interested in reading about her weird clients, which took up at least half the book, and some of them are really major league weird. But after a few pages you learn to "zap" that part the same way you "zap" commercials on your VCR. Her comments on why people find "relationships" so painful and ultimately not worth bothering with and where those feelings originate and how to get rid of them are pure gold and well worth reading. I cannot recommend a better resource.
Also, readers who have heard Forward on the radio should know that the book is not at all obnoxious, despite the way she comes across in her show. Whoever wrote this book (Forward or an uncredited ghost) strikes you as someone you would feel very comfortable turning to for advice.
Get it. You will be glad you did.
reviewed by radar on November 29, 2006 6:41 PM
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Reinforces what you already know. Excellent for young females entering the dating game, and a refresher for those mature women who are getting back into the game.
reviewed by axelrose on November 29, 2006 7:23 PM
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This book is a great place to start if you believe you or someone you love may be addicted to relationships. I also highly recommend "Confusing Love With Obsession: When You Can't Stop Controlling Your Partner and the Relationship."
reviewed by trailrider on November 29, 2006 7:30 PM