This book is nothing short of a blessing. It described in vivid and downright shocking detail every single stage from A-Z of the nightmare relationship I was in several years ago with a commitmentphobic. This relationship was the most hurtful and traumatizing event of my life. I now understand why I felt so confused, shocked, and in a state of dissolution. It was as if I was in a real life nightmare and all the things he said and did to me couldn't be real because he suddenly turned into a different person when he was no longer at his safe distance. I highly recommend this read for ANYONE who has loved and lost and been plagued with, "WHY did this happen!". This book will help you heal and run as fast as you can away from the destructive path of self blame. This book helps you see that the man you were once in love with was really a man burried with his own very deep psychological sickness. This was a man who needed long term psychological treatment and it had NOTHING to do with you!

I am now VERY happily married to someone other than the crazy man I described above (THANK GOD!). However, sometimes I battle with insecurities from the past relationship I had with the commitmentphobic described above. I do not feel that it is fair to my husband for me to bring this baggage into our relationship. Months ago I set out on a journey to bring realization and healing to what happened to me years ago and I have found resolution with this book. This book has made me a stronger more informed person!

This book DOES do an excellent job of painting a very accurate portrait of the commitment phobic man. The other reviews and ratings posted are really fair appraisals of the author's impressive efforts. The one single problem with this book (and many other 'people to avoid' type books in general) is the limitation of its scope - the reasons WHY so many men are commitment phobic are not explored in any great depth. This implies that male commitment phobia is solely a "male problem" and that women are only victims in this dilemma, which popular psychology indicates is not wholly the case. The idea that women simply have many expectations about love, relationships and marriage that are simply contrary to many of the primal instincts and motivations of men are never considered. This is just another book that identifies a specific "brand" of 'broken men' that women are to simply identify and avoid, but does not explore the seemingly untouchable dichotomy between men and women that makes maintaining a long term relationship so difficult for so many people. The title of the book makes a profound statement indeed "Men Who Can't Love". Although it does make sense for a woman seeking a fulfilling long term relationship to avoid such men, the statement does beg the ultimate question: "WHY Can't Men Love"?
It is the opinion of the author of this review that these books can ultimately be held responsible for creating a generation of dating women that are merely looking at men as potentially damaged goods (and analyzing them exhaustively from day 1) instead of spending at least some time attempting to understand men instead of just analyzing, labeling and ultimately discarding them.

Although these sorts of books are offered as a panacea of valuable relationship information, if women chose to avoid ALL of the men as defined by ALL of the collective "men to avoid" movements, they may find themselves targeting less than 1% of the entire male population.

It is therefore no surprise to find so many "far from perfect women" who are forever seeking the "perfect male partner" and having little or no success to this end. It is unclear in the large scheme of things how these books will ultimately help to bring men and women closer together with such a heavy emphasize of only the differences between the sexes while not building on any of the complementary and often essential differences.

I would recommend the authors consider coming out with a series of books - and elect to expose the many thousands of facets of abnormal psychology that can affect a man and his attitude towards relationships. This way, women can attempt to avoid ALL forms of dysfunctional males - and not just the commitment phobic ones.

This book saved me after my break-up with my boyfriend of 10 months. I thought I was losing my mind during our relationship because in the beginning he kept telling me how "in love" he was and "how right" our relationship felt. I was so caught up in finally meeting someone who felt like my soulmate...which he also claimed- oh, and he did all of the pursuing.
After three incredible months, he started to turn on me and for the next seven months, it was a constant "I love you, let's get married" to "I don't know if we're right for each other" He came to visit me in March (he is European) and talked a lot about our future...even freely telling my friends and family about our plan for me to move overseas to be with him and that eventually we would move back to the states. Five days after he returned home he called me to tell me that "we should let each other go" I was completely shocked...over three months later, I'm still shocked by the whole thing. Nothing, nothing in our relationship made sense. If he had expressed confusion the entire time we dated, that would make sense, but he would swing from one extreme to another....completely loving and planning a future to wanting to break up. A person in a relationship that is truly conflicted about their feelings for another (I know, I've been on that side too) does not swing from extremes.
I missed the signs in the beginning...some things to look for:
- he is over 40 and has had no long-term relationships...and it's not because they are picky, it's because they are incapable of sustaining a relationship.
-serial internet dater and kept in contact with many many women over the internet while we were dating (I found out later on)
-would always talk about how he felt but never asked or seemed to care how I felt...narcissistic
-inability to be truly intimate...never admitted to any fears, worries, insecurities, etc.
-interested in only fantasy relationships or high drama relationships and would say things like "right now I feel really good about us" I always wondered why he would qualify it to "right now"
I feel emotionally traumatized after this relationship. I can't believe the deep pain it has caused and how difficult it has been to recover because I trusted him so much....and he is a professing Christian. He seemed so trustworthy and sweet in the beginning that I would have never believed he would turn out to be deceitful, cruel and completely self-absorbed. My faith in God and reading books like this one have helped me tremendously.
I hope all the women reading this find the healing they need and make a vow never ever to settle again for a man who doesn't know how to love. It is not YOU! These men have a hole in their souls so they have nothing to offer. They only know how to take and will constantly need a new woman to try and fill their emptiness. You deserve so much more. Only when we as women start to set a higher standard for ourselves, will the men step up to the plate! My advice...look for subtle signs and if something doesn't feel right about the guy no matter how wonderful he seems, get out!