Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart 
asked by jbritt on November 28, 2006 9:04 AM
In a world that thrives on aggression and physical force, male violence has become an all-too-frequent response to the frustrations and anxieties that fill men's lives. As a result, the lives of women and children have suffered dramatically, as society has come to tolerate their victimization.
Using the unique program at the Oakland Men's Project in California as a basis, Paul Kivel, one of its founding members, shares an extraordinary approach to stopping male violence. The key is understanding and evading the cultural forces that box men in and often reward them for violent behavior. Through exercises, thought-provoking questions, and intense self-examination, Men's Work helps men learn new rules and new roles in personal relationships and in the world at large.
Men's Work gives back to men the power and responsibility they need to unlearn the lessons of control and aggression. Going beyond the mythology of the current men's movement, this revolutionary work identifies and develops the social and political framework on which to place men's individual efforts to recover their humanity.
Using the unique program at the Oakland Men's Project in California as a basis, Paul Kivel, one of its founding members, shares an extraordinary approach to stopping male violence. The key is understanding and evading the cultural forces that box men in and often reward them for violent behavior. Through exercises, thought-provoking questions, and intense self-examination, Men's Work helps men learn new rules and new roles in personal relationships and in the world at large.
Men's Work gives back to men the power and responsibility they need to unlearn the lessons of control and aggression. Going beyond the mythology of the current men's movement, this revolutionary work identifies and develops the social and political framework on which to place men's individual efforts to recover their humanity.
Reviews
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Kivel's book provides useful examples of what to do in practice to reduce the drivers for domestic violence. The fictionalised role-plays also provide practical descriptions of how violent interactions can develop - although unfortunately the triggers in many of the role-plays are so unrealistic as to lose most of their credibility.
The catch is that, like most books of this type, Kivel makes the entirely unfounded assumption that all violence in the home is caused by males - which renders it almost worse-than-useless for dealing with the full complexity of domestic violence. (I've worked mainly in resolving lesbian violence - in reality, by far the most violent class of relationship rather than the least.) Ironically, Kivel illustrates this himself, in that the only example of real (as opposed to fictionalised) violence described in the whole book is between two girls in a classroom, who come to blows when one insults the other in front of the class.
Read it - it's useful - but strip out all of his sexism and male-blame before trying to put it into practice in any real-world context.
The catch is that, like most books of this type, Kivel makes the entirely unfounded assumption that all violence in the home is caused by males - which renders it almost worse-than-useless for dealing with the full complexity of domestic violence. (I've worked mainly in resolving lesbian violence - in reality, by far the most violent class of relationship rather than the least.) Ironically, Kivel illustrates this himself, in that the only example of real (as opposed to fictionalised) violence described in the whole book is between two girls in a classroom, who come to blows when one insults the other in front of the class.
Read it - it's useful - but strip out all of his sexism and male-blame before trying to put it into practice in any real-world context.
reviewed by iread on November 29, 2006 6:32 AM
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Any man willing to take a true inward look will benefit from reading this book. As Kivel points out, this is really our work to do as men - to take a look at what makes us prove our worth by posturing ourselves and emphasizing our power over others. This isn't easy because the priveledge that comes with power is so latent in what we do, we have to really listen to ourselves as well as the women in our lives and these simply aren't things that men are typically socialized to do. If more men would stop being defensive when women or allies of women call men on their sexism or appeal to their humanity and would begin to address how we perpetuate male dominance, we would not only live in a much less violent and tolerant society, but I think we would find that men would be much happier as a result of having better relationships in their lives.
reviewed by advisor on November 29, 2006 8:13 AM
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Kivel's theories are total nonsense. He draws parallels between all manners of normal masculine behavior and the topic of violence. "Have you ever stared at a woman's breasts while talking to her?" He asks. "Have you ever worked out to make yourself look tougher?" He asks. Is this supposed to make us feel guilty about being men? How do these things make us "violent." This book advocates the feminist-inspired psychological castration of men. I have a few questions. Women: Have you ever looked at a man's pec's? Have you ever tried to look prettier in order to impress a richer man?
This book is a pro-feminist piece of garbage. I was forced to read this book in college and it is as inflamatory as it is inaccurate.
reviewed by bricktop on November 29, 2006 9:06 AM
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This book is well worth reading, especially for men who want to understand and do something about gender based violence. It is accessible and addresses the issues in a down to earth way providing insights significant for both men and women. Suitable for high school age through adult.
reviewed by anexpert on November 29, 2006 1:55 PM