I bought this in Book-On-CD format to listen to on a long distance drive. Hearing the author's lovely, accented voice reading the unabridged substance of her subject was not enough - I had to also buy the book. It's that good.

Dr. Perel offers such a distinctively original vision of relationships, provocative insights, and common sense that I wanted to bookmark and dog ear the CDs. I learned so many great, useful techniques to keep my relationship in perspective, I could hardly wait to get back home to write in my journal.

I hate self-help books. I'm a Master's candidate in psychology and my relationship was deteriorating fast. I'd been living in a passionateless environment with lots of affection and familiarity. It was causing amazing problems. This book was the most intelligent thing I'd ever read, and it was concise, clear, amusing, and devoid of rediculous jargon and quizzes and self-help steps. It has situations in it that are real and applicable.

If you are having problems, buy this book. It can only help.

This book is fantastic!! I don't know where to begin. First, her writing style is incredible. There is a beauty to what is written in her book. The beauty is revealed when you read passages that explain intellectually things you have felt for some time. Some of her explainations were so beautiful and fulfilling it brought me to tears.

Second, she is incredibly accurate about relationships and desire. She clearly shows why love and desire operate on different trajectories. But, the beauty is, the trajectories are not mutually exclusive and can co-exist. The key is re-igniting the individual.

Third, she is open minded, accepting, and understanding of the incredible impact that sexual freedom and individuality have had on marriage. She does not sugar coat the fact that monogamous marriage is "dying." She advocates being proactive about ensuring passion and desire within your marriage.

The examples in her book were not very applicable to me, but the principle of each story was clearly established and easily applied to my own marriage.

Most importantly, she helped me understand my desire. She helped me understand why I enjoyed thinking of my wife in certain ways. It helped me understand my desire and find new ways of experiencing passion.

Everyone knows that familiarity breeds contempt. Especially if familiarity comes with a wedding ring attached. A book about sex in marriage --- now there's a thin book!

But here comes Esther Perel to suggest that we --- men and women alike --- have it wrong. Good sex doesn't have to end when the hormones cool. Lust doesn't have to devolve into companionship. You can be a mom and a sex kitten. And as for "intimacy"....in the bedroom, a little goes a long way.

Who is this wild woman? A therapist in New York who's been working with couples and families for two decades. Belgian-born, to Holocaust survivors. Married (to her original husband). Two kids. Speaks eight languages --- including common sense.

Not for Perel a how-to book of ridiculous exercises you can practice to rekindle the passion you once knew. If she had her way, you'd never consult a manual again. You might, however, write a dirty letter about all the hot things you'd like to do to your partner --- or that you'd like done to you. Or maybe you should start two e-mail accounts just for the sexual dialogue between you and your mate.

But she's the mother of your child!

But he's the guy who only gets his kicks from online porn!

Perel has heard all that. Many times. She's not fooled --- underneath those smart New York rationalizations are hearts that still want to believe in hot sex with someone you know. The problem, she says, lie in the unspoken assumptions of most marriages.

Like: To love is to merge. Wrong. Merging is what happens when you see the Other as your security. That's death to sex. Good sex requires a spark. A spark requires a gap. Cross the gap, feel the sizzle. No gap? The best you can hope for is a cuddle.

"There is no such thing as 'safe sex,'" she writes. Sex requires mystery, excitement, uncertainty. Which means not knowing everything about your partner. You find that threatening? You'd find it less so if you stopped equating intimacy with sex.

Here's a radical thought: don't do everything together. Cultivate your own set of friends. Create differences, not affinities. "Ruthlessness is a way to achieve closeness" --- ponder that for a while. Monogamy? Great if you can honor it. But it is, statistics show, "a ship sinking faster than anyone can bail it out."

Infidelity is a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship? Many believe that. Perel doesn't. She finds life...complicated. She hates the verb "have" when used in relationships --- for her, no one "has" anyone. Relationships are negotiations, not assumptions. You can get crazy with someone you've lived with and known well --- if your "rules" allow that.

Eroticism, she says, is "sexuality transformed by the imagination." So, start dreaming. There's a big payoff: "Nurturing eroticism in the house is an act of open defiance."

I live in a city of therapists and in a neighborhood where they are at their most dense. I have done couples therapy; socially, I know several sex-and-couples therapists. All women. All buttoned-up --- their sexuality is not just unseen or tamped down, it's under lock-and-key. So it's a great relief to read Esther Perel. No question about it --- she's hot.

As a guide for "mating in captivity", this book transcends its title. Written for the mainstream in an easy, flowing style, Ms. Perel tackles complex issues concerning sex, passion, and eroticism within long term relationships. She presents a narrative that exposes various aspects of case histories in her therapy practice that encompasses cultural, gender, and age differences. Offering diverse measures that creatively tackle the problems presented, she assists her patients in discovering their own erotic needs as well as their partners'. This is not a manual, it is more a playful treatise on eroticism in which Ms. Perel examines its complexity and the role it plays in maintaining sexual passion alive. Thankfully, she does not provide therapy that encourages only closeness/intimacy as the answer to a fuller sexual experience. Her book offers a creative approach to discovering the renewal of sexual, physical, passion that can parallel the intimacy that might already be established within the relationship. She presents `the erotic' as being central to the whole person rather than it being only a component of sex---and that finding the key to it within ourselves will ultimately unlock the sexual stalemate that oftentimes occurs within longstanding committed relationships. Her book proposes a fresh view that taps into the erotic energy that feeds our creative selves and permeates our life. For those that that want to re-vamp or re-claim sex within their committed relationships and to all that want to participate in a full and passionate life, this book is for you.