Make Peace with Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement 
asked by rob33 on November 3, 2006 10:11 PM
Behaviorist David Lieberman thinks all conflicts have something in common. Whether you're dealing with the complaining customer, the coworker with charisma bypass surgery, or the fallout from forgetting a friend's birthday, the resolution lies in understanding what he calls the "conflict recipe." The ingredients of all conflicts are fear and perceived loss of respect, says Lieberman. When people and events don't respond as we planned, we fear a loss of control. We compensate and translate this fear--and the lowered sense of esteem it brings--into anger. Ergo, conflict resolution is accomplished by offering the injured party the ingredients for restoring self-regard and a sense of control.
Based on this recipe, Lieberman creates dozens of step-by-step scenarios for resolving conflicts of every shape, including family money feuds, contretemps with friends, personality clashes, passive-aggressive coworkers, and differences in values. Other particularly strong chapters direct readers to seek forgiveness for their own behavior and provide emergency techniques for standoffs and longtime estrangement. Lieberman explains his basic theory with clarity, and illustrates its practice with smart strategies and chapter summaries. This practicality and consistency allow Make Peace with Anyone to deliver on the title's promise. --Barbara Mackoff
Reviews
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It's the same story over and over and over and over. The whole book was a repetition of the first concept in every chapter. No eye - opening advice, and lame strategies.
reviewed by mountaindew on November 24, 2006 12:32 PM
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This is an easy to read book plenty of psychological tips and advices that will help you got a better life. There are no tricks here, just proved techniques which being totally honest with yourself they will help you solve almost any personal, familiar or business problem. You will learn a very important think after reading this book: self esteem and respect is the solid base you must have and promote in any relationship you could have. Treat others like you want to be treated to; this is the big lesson Lieberman wants teach to us.
reviewed by 90210 on November 26, 2006 5:35 AM
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This is an excellent book. It really is helpful as far as solving disagreements between people. It doesn't matter whether it is a spouse, friend or just an acquaintance whom you are having difficulty getting along with. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to mend any type of conflict between themselves and others.
reviewed by crafty1 on November 27, 2006 4:39 AM
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Even if you are not looking to make peace with anyone, this book contains priceless information on understanding your own behavior and others.
reviewed by motivations on November 29, 2006 10:51 AM
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David Lieberman has written a practical book that gets down to the bottomo of addressing many personal conflicts. He understands that the real issue is Self-esteem. When a person feels his or her self-esteem threatened, conflict emerges. When a person's self-esteem is protected, conflict is lessened or resolved.
The first three chapters, though short, are worth the purchase price of the book. One interesting quotation, typical of the first few chapters, reads as follows: "The barometer that determines how annoyed, frustrated, or angered we become with others in any given situation is based on the degree to which we feel in control of ourselves and our lives. Our respect for ourselves, in short, determines (a) the amount of respect we crave from others and (b) our need to push for control and dominance."
Lieberman offers some very practical advice to help readers address a variety of conflict situations, providing simple but effective illustrations from real life examples.
As a seasoned pastor (over 25 years in the ministry) who has been involved in all sorts of conflict situations, I have deduced a number of principles (explained clearly by Lieberman) over the years the hard way, through the school of hard knocks. Wish this book was around years earlier.
On the negative side, the author makes unrealistic promises in some of the chapter's sub-titles, and even the title of the book is somewhat deceptive, "Make Peace with Anyone." Yet, in the text itself, the author clearly states that some situations have no real solutions. The book would be better if it did not promise complete success in all situations.
I also have a few ethical problems with the book. Lieberman, in some instances, advocates lying. Then, in the last chapter, he claims that the Bible advocates lying to end conflict, an assertion I challenge. Relathionships that cannot espouse truth are not worth maintaining. Addtionally, when one discovers that another has lied, a greater conflict can emerge.
Lieberman also encourages saying nice things about the offended person to a third party so that it gets back around. That just doesn't sit well with me.
On the other hand, people do need to feel listened to and respected, and Lieberman shines in that department. It is great to ask others for advice, and that seems a more legitimate measure to show the offended party that we do indeed respect them (unless we in fact do not!).
He also claims that the Bible teaches Aaron was more popular than Moses because Aaron counseled couples separately when they were having marriage problems (p.108). I have never seen anything even resembling that in Scripture; perhps he confuses the Bible with Talmudic Jewish tradition.
Although Lieberman constantly reinforces his warning not to use these techniques to manipulate others or out of insincere motives, no doubt some will try. But that is not the author's fault: he seems to have a truly humble attitude; those who thusly abuse his advice will find that insincere application of his techniques will backfire. Nobody likes a weasely person.
Despite its flaws, the author has great insights into the realities of human nature. A very helpful book that cuts to the core of the matter.
The first three chapters, though short, are worth the purchase price of the book. One interesting quotation, typical of the first few chapters, reads as follows: "The barometer that determines how annoyed, frustrated, or angered we become with others in any given situation is based on the degree to which we feel in control of ourselves and our lives. Our respect for ourselves, in short, determines (a) the amount of respect we crave from others and (b) our need to push for control and dominance."
Lieberman offers some very practical advice to help readers address a variety of conflict situations, providing simple but effective illustrations from real life examples.
As a seasoned pastor (over 25 years in the ministry) who has been involved in all sorts of conflict situations, I have deduced a number of principles (explained clearly by Lieberman) over the years the hard way, through the school of hard knocks. Wish this book was around years earlier.
On the negative side, the author makes unrealistic promises in some of the chapter's sub-titles, and even the title of the book is somewhat deceptive, "Make Peace with Anyone." Yet, in the text itself, the author clearly states that some situations have no real solutions. The book would be better if it did not promise complete success in all situations.
I also have a few ethical problems with the book. Lieberman, in some instances, advocates lying. Then, in the last chapter, he claims that the Bible advocates lying to end conflict, an assertion I challenge. Relathionships that cannot espouse truth are not worth maintaining. Addtionally, when one discovers that another has lied, a greater conflict can emerge.
Lieberman also encourages saying nice things about the offended person to a third party so that it gets back around. That just doesn't sit well with me.
On the other hand, people do need to feel listened to and respected, and Lieberman shines in that department. It is great to ask others for advice, and that seems a more legitimate measure to show the offended party that we do indeed respect them (unless we in fact do not!).
He also claims that the Bible teaches Aaron was more popular than Moses because Aaron counseled couples separately when they were having marriage problems (p.108). I have never seen anything even resembling that in Scripture; perhps he confuses the Bible with Talmudic Jewish tradition.
Although Lieberman constantly reinforces his warning not to use these techniques to manipulate others or out of insincere motives, no doubt some will try. But that is not the author's fault: he seems to have a truly humble attitude; those who thusly abuse his advice will find that insincere application of his techniques will backfire. Nobody likes a weasely person.
Despite its flaws, the author has great insights into the realities of human nature. A very helpful book that cuts to the core of the matter.
reviewed by jerseymike on November 29, 2006 3:07 PM