The writing of Harville Hendrix's have become my relationship bibles. I find his clear way of taking psychological theory and putting into practice for relationships of all kind very effective.

Lesbian and Gay parents have their work cut out for them in dealing with issues as a parent that are across the board as well as their work on how the homophobic culture will affect their children. What I love about this book is that it invites the parent to look at their own childhood knowing that that is often where parents get stuck. Internalized homophobia will be an important thing to consider for Gay parents in the identity stage of a child's development as well as the intimacy formation stage.

Also, for straight parents worried about their children being gay, there is a wonderful line in the book on page 224: The conscious parent understands that his child is "trying on" identities now in the present, not forecasting who he will be in the future. If a boy dresses up in the pretty party dress his mother saved from her childhood, that does not mean that he will have problems with sexual identity......Obviously he wont' grow up to be Big Bird or Spiderman, although he may identify with them as characters who have powerful personalities". Hurray for Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt for writing a supurb book!
Joe Kort

I was somewhat disappointed, having read Hendrix's other books. This book is set up very much like Simple Abundance, and each day has its "words to live by". For example, there is no path to follow if you know your child is suffering from the psycholigical disorder that is commonly known as adolescence. Not bad, but not chock full of valuable exercises like his previous works.

Nicole Flowers

I recommend this book to every parent who mentions struggling with their child(ren). It goes beyond being just a parenting-technique book to helping the parent identify their own issues stemming from childhood. Through that process, the parent learns where his/her weaknesses or blocks are, so that they have the clarity to discern what is actually occurring with the child, rather than being clouded by his/her perceptions. From there, the parent can use the techniques taught in the book to help the child move successfully through the developmental phase that is causing frustration.

My favorite parts of the book are the detailed explanations of the chronological stages of a child's life; the explanation and examples of symbiotic parenting; and the explanation of how we learn to parent how are parents parented us, which is how they were parented, ad infinitum, with the assurance that we can break the cycle of mistakes.

This is a book for parents who are committed to helping their children navigate through life, even though it requires some self-discovery. It is not a book for a parent who wants a quick solution, because this requires commitment. For me, the healing that resulted in myself, my child and our relationship went far beyond what I was asking for, making the commitment a bargain at any price.

Harville Hendrix's book, Getting the Love you Want was fantastic--likely the best book on relationships ever. However this book on child rearing is awful. Let me explain why.... The book is loaded with psycho babble and politically correct themes that mean nothing. If you read chapter 1 and Chapter 2 and then ask yourself, what did I learn? You will have to say, uh.. nothing. Chapter 3 is where it should start getting interesting, and although the topic "unconscious parenting" is a good one, there is too darn much fluff.

Getting the Love You Want was short and to the point. I think this book, Giving the Love that Heals, could have been 1/3 the length of what it is. We are a busy people, and shouldn't have to put up with writing that says nothing. This drives me crazy!

I am sure there is something worthwhile in the book, but believe me, you have to skim it quickly to get to those points.